The year 1994 was a year of big adjustments for both Lemmy and me. We had been “dating” for a year and with time invested comes expectations. And I ALMOST got to see Motorhead Live again. Almost!
January 1 began with an extreme hangover and me unreasonably mad at Lemmy. How could he not want to bring in the New Year with me? I was the new woman in his life, didn’t he know the rule; that what you do on New Year’s Eve sets the tone for the rest of the year. If we spent the night apart, we would suffer the rest of the year apart in one way or another.
I have a very superstitious nature brought on by my Mothers propensity for having a rule or ritual or “ole wives’ tale” for every situation.
My mother told us when we were children growing up that if we wanted to hold a man’s heart forever, if we wanted him to love us forever, that there was a little ritual that could be performed.
You take a lock of his hair, place it in a jar, pee on the hair in the jar, then bury the whole concoction by the root of a tree. We believed this tale. At relatives’ homes, when trees are being moved or removed, there have been jars with odd contents found in them. So many young women in my family must have believed and tried the ritual.
When I awoke on that New Year’s Day feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Thinking back on my previous evening and how I had spent the night alone for the most part, drunk and subsequently passed out, I knew I was in for a rough year.
One Year Anniversary Celebration – Not so fast…
On January 5th at 5:30am, Lemmy finally called. He wanted me to come over to celebrate the one-year anniversary of our first date. Our first date was on the 4th but who’s counting.
We made plans for me to come up to West Hollywood after I finished work for the day. Later that day he called back to uninvited me. Lemmy had not spent New Year’s Eve with me, he had the wrong date of our first date and now he was cancelling our celebration. He said he had to “work” and of course I didn’t believe him. I played it cool and he said that he would call me the next day and he didn’t. I was extremely upset.
My New Year’s superstitions were right on the money, I was convinced of that. I felt that my fabulous rock n roll relationship had run its course and was ending.
But Lemmy finally called me on the 8th and I went to spend a couple of days with him. He made me Chicken Cordon Bleu (an Omaha Steaks favorite) and we watched “Dr. Strangelove”. Everything seemed ok. Maybe I was overreacting.
January 17, 1994
The Northridge, California earthquake occurred on January 17, 1994. This was my first earthquake, and I will never forget the terror that I felt at 4:30am that morning.
I was sleeping soundly when I was awakened by the sounds and violent shaking of the quake. I was very disoriented, having a hard time figuring out what was occurring, where the hell I was, what was that sound: all in the pitch blackness of my tiny apartment. After a few seconds I thought “Oh, this must be an earthquake, run…. no stay…. No run….
I opened my apartment door to find my neighbors running down the hall and down the stairs. Suddenly I didn’t want to leave so I slammed my door shut and stood confused. I then remembered the advice that my maintenance man had given me. He said, “find a doorway and brace yourself there until the shaking stops” and “make sure you pick a doorway with no door to slam back and forth because this might break your fingers.”
By the time I found my way to the one doorway in my apartment with no door the earthquake was over.
The Northridge quake lasted all of 15 seconds. Time seemed to stand still, the shaking seemed to last for several minutes. I stood in a daze. And then the thought occurred to me that the building could collapse so I started to leave. As I opened my apartment door to go, I suddenly burst into tears. I closed the door and sank into my bed and sobbed.
A few minutes later my maintenance man lover, banging on my door, had come to my rescue. I recounted my tale to him, and he tried to calm me down.
“Do you want to move home?”
When I finally stopped crying and shaking, my phone rang, as soon as I heard my Mothers voice I started to cry again. News of the earthquake quickly hit CNN and she just wanted to know that I was Ok. When she heard my tears and the fear in my voice, started asking “Do you want to come home?”,” Do you want to move back to the safety of Ohio?” I kept replying through my tears “No, I’m not leaving. I love California”.
We would talk some more, and she would repeat her question and I would repeat my reply. I think the crying confused her.
What a mess I was, and my nerves were a total jumble. My body had the sensation of being always in motion. Lying in bed, I would hold my breath in response to the imagined motion and lay in complete stillness and think “Is this another one coming?’ Is it starting again?’” I jumped at every loud sound, every person walking down the hall or large truck passing by.
That night I took a taxi to Lemmy’s to stay the night. I needed the security of being in his presence, but Lemmy was as jumpy as I was, with every noise and motion he would grab my arm and get this funny look on his face. We were both a mess.
I had not even considered the location; Lemmy’s home is much closer to the earthquake epicenter than my home in Long Beach, so the aftershocks were tremendous; crazy, extremely strong and seemed to last forever. I stayed one night and left the next day. What was I thinking? I tried to get Lemmy to join me in my much safer home, but he chose to stay in West Hollywood.
Lost in Miami Vice?
Lemmy left on a United States tour two weeks later and as part of that tour Motorhead played Universal Studios Amphitheater in Los Angeles on March 04, 1994.
I was so excited to see Lemmy perform in such a large place in front of thousands of people. This would be my first time seeing Motorhead play live since August 1991 back home in Ohio. Lemmy called the day of the show and left me a message instructing me to pick up my “All Access Pass” at the backstage gate. I was in heaven; my boyfriend was playing a concert at a major venue in Los Angeles and I would have full access.
I took a half day off work and went home to change into my most beautiful, sexy rocker self. I wanted to knock Lemmy’s socks off. He hadn’t seen me in weeks, and I wanted him and everyone else to be impressed. Since this was a Los Angeles show I just knew that the backstage area would be filled with famous people. My heart pounded all day with excitement and because of that my body was tingling and anxious as if I had too much oxygen in my blood.
I arranged for a taxi to come to drive me to the show which only added to my excited state. I knew that if I had a car of my own, I would at least be busy driving. Having that sense of control of getting somewhere under your own steam. This may have toned me down a bit, but here I was about to be in the back of a taxi at the driver’s mercy. It always seemed that the more anxious I was to get somewhere, the slower the driver drove. I was frantic inside.
Arriving at the Motorhead show!!
When we finally arrived at Universal, I instructed the driver to drop me off at the backstage gate where my passes were supposed to be. We drove around the back of Universal being stopped at several gates and being questioned or more precisely – interrogated by several guards.
Finally, we came to the last gate at the backstage area, only to be stopped by an unfriendly guard who informed me that I was not on the list and that there was no pass for me. I could see my destination. To be so close and yet not be allowed past this barrier made me even more anxious.
I had the guard call Rob, Lemmy’s assistant. Rob informed me that Lemmy had taken ill and that I needed to hurry backstage and that also in error my pass had been sent to the “will call” at the front of the amphitheater. He told me that I would have to go back there, get the pass and then return.
The driver was getting a bit antsy, so he drove me back around the front and dropped me off. I frantically found “will call” and picked up my pass which was not “All Access” but “Patio Access”. Now I had to find my way back to the backstage gate and I had no idea if they would let me in with the wrong pass.
If you have never been to Universal Studios let me fill you in. It is a large theme park, run like a military base with a top-secret agenda that is also like a movie set and is situated on the side of the Hollywood hills. The backstage is a maze of construction and stairs and movie set pieces such as New York backdrops and jungle sets. Crazy complex.
High heeled hike from hell!!
After I picked up my pass, I was given detailed instructions on how to make my way through all this confusion to the backstage area where Lemmy was.
This is an example of a ridiculous situation: Here I had been stopped at every gate coming into the park and questioned like an enemy spy and then suddenly I was shown through a gate and it seemed given full rein to wander the park at will without restraint.
So, I set out to walk in my extremely high spiked heels and sexy outfit, in the dark into the maze which is the back lot of Universal. I was upset at this point and all kinds of images of what could be happening to Lemmy were flashing in my head. Rob had sounded very concerned on the phone, so I was very concerned. Why he hadn’t just told the guard backstage to let me in I have no idea.
As I made my way back to backstage, I was almost running.
And …..of course… I got lost. Suddenly I found myself on the dark set of the Miami Vice show that was being performed daily in the park at the time. This couldn’t be right I told myself, so I started to look for someone to help me. Surely there had to be someone around. Not only could I not find my way out of Miami Vice land, but I could also not find a single person to help me.
Wow, I could not be more lost.
My mind was racing. I keep thinking Lemmy could be dying somewhere and I’m trapped in Miami Vice land. I was trying every door that I could find and looking into windows just hoping to see another person.
Finally a random door that was not locked. I opened it to find an incredibly surprised large security guard standing there. He had this look on his face as if he were thinking “What!” And then “Thank you God”. What crazy sight I must have looked; Spiked heels, mini skirt, boobs displayed in a very sexy manner, hair gone wild and a very frantic lost expression on my face.
After I explained my situation, the overly flirtatious guard gave me directions on how to get to my destination. I set off on my trek again. I wandered and wandered and back tracked and wander some more. My legs and head were pounding at this point. Up and down hills and through grassy knolls in the dark had taken its toll.
I finally came to the top of some very steep stairs that seemed to descend forever. What a relief to see tour buses and people at the bottom. This was the spot that I had initially arrived at with the taxi driver. This was my destination, finally!
At Lemmy’s side…. Finally!!
I made it through the gate and backstage and was rushed to a dressing room to Lemmy’s side. He wearily looked up from the couch that they had him laid out on and said “Where have you been? You’ve been here over an hour, what took you so long to get back here?” If I weren’t so concerned, I would have rolled on the floor with laughter.
I sat next to Lemmy on the couch and held his hand. He looked awful; sweaty and his skin was more pale than usual. He seemed out of breath and he could barely speak. The doctor told me that Lemmy was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion. I was terrified. But the doctor said that he would be ok that he just needed to rest and re-hydrate.
The doctor then pulled out a giant needle and proceeded to tell Lemmy to roll over so that he could inject him. I think it was Rob or maybe Todd who said that I should leave at that point. But Lemmy insisted that it was ok and that I should stay. The doctor explained that the shot was vitamin B12 and what it was for. He also handed me a box of medicine for Lemmy and explained how I should administer it and signs for me to watch for.
Welcome to the Motorhead Family
Even though I was scared to death and extremely concerned for Lemmy, I couldn’t help but to feel part of the Motorhead family.
Me… the goofy country girl from back woods Ohio was being treated like Lemmy’s girlfriend, not just some girl he hung out with but a real girlfriend. I was not shuffled out of the room like some hanger on, but I was set in charge of this very important man’s wellbeing. I hate to admit this, but I felt important.
Lemmy rested for a while and it was decided that he was not well enough to perform. So Motorhead canceled their performance. We gathered all his personal stuff together and were escorted to the tour bus.
Watching over my Man
I was asked to stay and watch over Lemmy as he laid on the couch in the back lounge. Someone gave me a list of phone numbers to call if I needed anything. As I sat on the couch next to Lemmy I recounted my Miami vice land experience. Lemmy thought this was the funniest story and we both laughed and talked until Lemmy fell asleep.
Several people stopped in to check on us and to bring me drinks. I really needed to drink after the day that I had.
I sat by Lemmy’s side and watched him sleep until the bus was ready to leave for the next city on the tour.
Always a silver lining
Even though I didn’t get to see Motorhead live or any of the other performances, I did get to meet a few cool people; Ian Gillian from Deep Purple, Chris Holmes from WASP and Mike Inez from Alice in Chains.
I was very disappointed that Motorhead couldn’t perform, they are so awesome, and I love to see Lemmy on stage. But I really felt that this evening was a big step in Lemmy and my relationship. I think that his people got to see how much he cared for me and how much I cared for him. It took us to the next level.
I was heartbroken to have to leave the tour bus and to leave Lemmy in such terrible shape. The doctor had come on to the bus to check him and I was reassured that he was going to be fine.
So, to help my broken heart I found some friends of Lemmy’s and mine; Razzle, Richard (who I think was one of Lemmy’s lawyers at the time?) and Pap a big Swedish guy who worked for Motorhead in some capacity. We all packed into Richards car and off to the Rainbow we went to get drunk.
A heartbroken Lemmy.
A week later the first part of the U.S. tour ended and Lemmy returned home. He called me from the airport, and I drove to Hollywood to stay a couple days. I needed to spend some time with him to reassure myself that he was Ok. Of course, he was fine, and he informed me that the Los Angeles show was the only show that was canceled due to his illness.
Lemmy was heartbroken that Motorhead had to cancel that show. He said that the situation was embarrassing, to get sick in L.A. of all places, because so many of his friends and peers were there. He said that it made him feel like maybe they would see him not as the hard partying rock performer who could go on no matter what but as a sick frail guy who let a little dehydration get him down.
I reassured him that there was no way in hell that people would see him as weak. He was Lemmy…. a Legend….. Forever…