The beginning of 1995 brought rain and fighting. But I also received the best Lemmy Birthday present ever.
Another New Year’s Eve had gone by that I had not spent with Lemmy, and I was mad. I again started the New Year sick and hung-over.
Lemmy called on the 2nd and wanted to see me.
We were set to get together on the 5th but because of the rain and flooding I could not get a cab. Lemmy was upset and just could not see my side of the situation.
He thought I was just lying to him, that I had changed my mind about coming to visit him. But I had packed my things and sat and waited for a cab for over four hours. And he was mad at me.
I finally went to celebrate the New Year with him a couple days later.
When I first arrived Lemmy brought in a bottle of champagne and said, “This is what I had planned for New Year’s Eve, this is what you missed out on.” I was thrilled, but there was still a tension between us. Lemmy was very good at moving on from our fights. I was a bit slower to forget.
Maybe he forgot our pre–New Year’s Eve planning conversations. Maybe he thought that I had forgotten. During those conversations I could tell that he was not excited or ready to commit the evening to me.
But this is where I wanted to be. I was in love despite my frustrations.
Weekends in the sunshine
Weekends with Lemmy were great for the most part. We would drink and eat all night and watch movies and during the day we would either lay by the pool or lay naked across Lemmy’s bed.
Lemmy had this wonderful bedroom in that the bed is situated under the window, so as the sun moves across the sky it moves across the bed. We spent so many afternoons sunning ourselves on the bed.
We would just lay naked and sleep and of course get super horny from the hot sunshine. Afternoons spent napping, reading and blowjobs, it was heaven. We made some of our best sex tapes while sunning on the bed in the sun.
The bedroom was filled with plants and trees so in the tapes it looks like we are in some exotic location. The sun coming through the window gave the room a warm glow that was very sexy, almost as if we had placed a filter over the lens.
Lemmy was such the director, but in many cases to the point of getting in the way of the sex.
He had to get the best shot and the best pose, and it was a real distraction. I like to just put the tape on and go for it.
But he had to watch through the lens at every moment. I would ask him over and over to just put the camera down but that only led to him stacking books and pillows to get the right camera position and having to readjust every minute.
Every girl during this time was going through the same thing. All the rockers had video cameras by this time and sex on camera was the new normal.
Meeting Randy
1995 was the year that I met Randy Castillo for the first time. He had to have been the nicest, most down to earth guy that Lemmy ever introduced me to.
The night I met Randy he was playing with his band at the Dragonfly on Santa Monica Blvd.
Arriving at Lemmy’s one night , I was surprised when he said “Hey a friend of mine is playing a show tonight at the Dragonfly want to go? I could barely believe it – Lemmy wanted me to go out with him and not to the Rainbow. I was thrilled.
We took a cab to the Dragonfly and meeting Randy was a joy. He was so nice and attentive asking me about myself and really paying attention. He wasn’t just being nice because I was with Lemmy, he was genuine.
Lemmy was always disappearing when we went out. That night when he would run off and leaving me standing alone, Randy would come over to speak with me and to keep me company. He was always trying to explain Lemmy to me. Telling me that Lemmy really liked me and to be patient.
Over the years he would give me several relationship pep talks regarding Lemmy.
On February 11th Lemmy left for Germany to begin a promotional tour. Grueling repetitive interviews and photo sessions.
I loved when Lemmy went on promotional tours because they were short, usually only a couple weeks at a time. And I think they drove him crazy because his postcards were always silly and very entertaining.
My 30th birthday is my best birthday ever. I was sitting on Lemmy’s couch when it hit me “I am 30!!!”
Suddenly, I burst into tears and just sat sobbing thinking of how old I was and how little I had accomplished.
Lemmy was in shock. He had this look on his face of total confusion and panic as he ran into the kitchen and brought me several large paper towels. Patting my back, he said “It’s Ok, you look great, and you are still young” I just couldn’t be consoled.
He finally got up off the couch and left the room.
A few minutes later he returned and handed me a check for several thousand dollars and said “Here use this money to do something good for – YOU! Don’t use it to pay bills and don’t save it; use it to make yourself feel better. Why don’t you buy yourself a new set of tits?”
Finally, I had the chance to fix my lopsided chest!
These were the absolute worst breasts, they were like tits from two completely different people. One was small and set high, and the other was large and hung heavy and the nipple pointed somewhere to the far left. They were awful.
I hated showing them and Lemmy knew this, so this was the best present ever for me. He was actually paying attention. This was validation that Lemmy actually listened when I spoke, he wasn’t just nodding saying “uh huh”. And now I could finally fix my breast problem.
I couldn’t stop thanking him. He had made me so happy.
Lemmy left for a European tour at the end of April.
And he returned only to go out on an U.S. tour.
This heavy tour schedule gave me the perfect opportunity to research plastic surgeons, to have my surgery done and to heal by the time Motorhead played Universal Studios in August.
The new improved me couldn’t wait to see Lemmy.
The Universal Studios show in Los Angeles as the perfect opportunity to present my new additions. I was a little freaked out that the show was at Universal Studios after my last experience at that venue, but I was confident that now I knew the drill and that nothing was going to get in my way as it did the first time.
Now that I was “officially” Lemmy’s girlfriend, Todd, Lemmy’s manager called me to set up my “All Access” pass for the show and to make sure that I knew where I was going etc.
Also, Lemmy’s assistant Rob had been replaced by Alex by this time, so I was much more comfortable with getting to the show and getting in as planned.
I found Alex to be easy to talk to and eventually he became a good friend. I was comfortable telling him details of my life and I trusted him. He said that he loved when I was around because it seemed that Lemmy was more manageable and barked less. He thought that I was good for Lemmy and that I made him happy.
Maybe I liked Alex more because I never had the opportunity to get to know Rob very well (and as it will turn out later, I didn’t know Alex as well as I thought, no one did).
The day of the Universal show I left work early and rushed home to change. I had bought a new outfit that really pushed my new tits up to optimal display position. I still didn’t have a car, so I had to order a cab.
Alex had offered to get a car for me, but I refused because I really wasn’t that comfortable taking advantage of these kinds of luxuries. I felt that if I accepted them that in a way,I was taking advantage of Lemmy. But he didn’t care; he wanted me to have whatever I wanted.
Once again, I was at the mercy of the cab driver, and it drove me insane. I was trying not to think of the last Universal show that I had attended and of how I got lost and of how crazy that night turned out to be.
I arrived at Universal, and the driver dropped me off at the front gate by Universal walk. Big mistake. I had to walk through throngs of tourists to get to the Amphitheater “will call” to get my pass. When I say tourists, I mean moms and dads and kids at the theme park.
So self-conscious, I was dressed for backstage at a rock show not Universal City walk.
I finally made my way to “will call” only to find that the list had not been sent up from backstage. Argh!… Not again.
I tried to explain that I was supposed to be back stage right at that moment, that Lemmy had invited me up to hang out and to have dinner early before the show. But the uptight overzealous security people at “will call” just had to wait for the actual list.
I called Alex on his cell phone and asked him what was happening, and he said not to worry the list was on its way. I waited over an hour for the situation to be worked out and to get my passes.
My heart was pounding; my head was throbbing, not with pain but with excitement and anticipation. I made my way through the Amphitheater to the side of the stage and through the backstage door.
I was desperately looking for Lemmy and found Alex. He informed me that Lemmy was in a dressing room in the back and told me how to get there.
I walked into the backstage dressing room area and started down a long hallway. I looked up and coming down the hallway toward me was Lemmy with Carmine Appice.
Lemmy instantly got this huge smile on his face as I approached him. As I got closer, I could see that he was looking directly at my new breasts. When we stopped in front of each other he put his hands out and gently cupped them in his hands. He gave me a big hug and then went right back to staring.
Finally introducing me to Mr. Appice he said “look what I got” pointing at my tits.
I just stood there smiling. Lemmy said “Let’s go someplace where we can be alone” and we retreated into his dressing room. He quickly locked the door behind us.
Lemmy immediately started kissing me and fondling my new breasts, which were still a bit tender. And of course, he had me drop my dress to show them off properly. I could see from his face that he was very pleased with his new purchase.
We fooled around until it was completely apparent that we were not going to be left alone. Lemmy had too many people that wanted to see him and talk to him.
We finally went out to socialize with the other concert guests. All evening Lemmy kept introducing me to his friends and then pointing out my new breasts.
This was a dream night.
I was meeting and hanging out with the coolest people. I met the guys from Black Sabbath, Simon Wright and Blackie Lawless. Rock n Roll Legends!
At one point in the evening Lemmy and I were standing on the backstage patio, and we were approached by a photographer. The guy asked to take some pictures of Lemmy and Blackie. They posed for a picture and then Blackie grabbed my arm and said, “You need to have your picture taken with us” We posed for several pictures, and I was in heaven.
I never found out who the photographer was or when or even if the pictures were to appear in print. The pictures are out there somewhere with my new tits prominently displayed.
Motorhead – Stage Left
Lemmy and Motorhead’s performance was fantastic. One of the guys took me to stand right on the side of the stage to watch the show.
This was where I belonged – stage left. Lemmy would turn and smile at me every now then or he would turn and wink.
Looking out from the stage at the sea of faces I felt as though I were floating.
The roar of the applause was deafening, and it made the hair stand up all over my body. This was addicting and could only imagine how the band felt. I was only a bystander. They were creating the magic that was driving the crowd into frenzy.
After the show the band retreated to their dressing room. The guys needed a few minutes to recoup from the show and to change so I waited patiently. I knew the drill.
Lemmy was very happy that I finally got to see a Motorhead show after so many years.
After parting in the dressing room and the guys finished their “meet and greet”. We moved the party to the tour bus.
Lemmy and I took our place in the back lounge and several people dropped by to party. At about 3:00 a.m. the tour bus rolled out to Lemmy’s apartment. I was high from the entire experience.
On the ride home in the bus I watched Hollywood go by and I just couldn’t believe where I was. I never would have imagined that I would be in this position.
I tried to call off sick from work the next morning, but my boss threatened my job. Argh, she demanded a doctor’s note to be excused for the day.
She knew what was going on and where I had been. Jealousy. My rock n roll life and my 9-5 life were clashing head on, and it was only a matter of time before something had to give.