1997 was a year of healing and of adventure. I would finally go on the road with Lemmy AND Motorhead; Mikkey Dee, Phil and the Road Crew!
On January 3rd I went to Billboard Live, a club on the Sunset strip to see the band L. A. Guns perform. I ran into Lemmy’s assistant Alex, and he told me that Lemmy was there and proceeded to turn to show me where. Grabbing him by the arm I said, “I don’t want to see him” Alex was shocked.
I explained, as well as I could in the crowded, extremely loud club, what was going on between Lemmy and I. I told him that I was still stinging about New Years Eve and how Lemmy had just blown me off that night. And I also knew that Lemmy was still upset about the videotapes that I had destroyed. I just wanted to watch the show and have a good time without a confrontation with Lemmy. Alex understood and walked off in Lemmy’s direction. I was comfortable that he would not tell Lemmy that I was there as I had requested. The rest of the evening was spent watching the show and hiding from Lemmy.
At this time, I was in the middle of a program to become a volunteer zookeeper at the Los Angeles Zoo, and I really wanted to concentrate on that, getting back into college and the positives in my life. I felt like I needed a new beginning and was going back and forth on whether Lemmy would be part of my new future.
I knew that a tour was approaching and looked forward to having the time alone to decide whether I wanted Lemmy in my life or not. Lemmy really liked the idea that I was trying to follow my dream of becoming a zoologist, but if it got in the way of his time with me, he was jealous. It was great having Lemmy in my life; he could be encouraging, and he was showing his love for me. He bought me a subscription to the National Geographic magazine and a set of Walkers books on animals.
We were working through our issues and it felt good, but I was still dealing with trust.
Lemmy left for a European tour January 8th and mid-February he called from London to invite me to meet him in Italy. He knew that this was the one place on earth that I was dying to visit. He wanted to fulfill my dream. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to Italy. After all that we had just been through I never would have expected a trip. But maybe he finally realized how badly he had hurt me with the Gang Bang Porn Star and that he did love me and wanted to move our relationship forward.
I was extremely excited to be going on a trip and this time rather than leaving a couple days later I had to wait for my departure. Oh, what torture? I was trying to convince myself that this was a new beginning for Lemmy and me. I hoped that he had learned a very valuable lesson in how to treat the woman that you love and was trying to rescue us.
My first flight to Europe had been on an American airline. That flight really didn’t differ from any other that I had taken except for the amount of time. On this trip I felt like I had left the planet as soon as I boarded the plane. Alex had booked me on an Air France flight, so as soon as I stepped onto the ramp to board the plane the language changed. Everyone surrounding me was speaking French, which I have no comprehension of. It was the strangest feeling. I felt very isolated, and it was a little frightening, yet super exciting. I was flying overnight so I took a Tylenol PM and passed out. This is the only way to fly to Europe – under the influence. I woke up in Paris where I had an hour layover then it was on to Milan and Lemmy.
Milan, Italy
The airport in Milan was like no other. Military guys everywhere and not just your regular military guys but it was as if they recruited the best-looking men to appear at the airport. I was of course wearing my sexy rock and roll garb and as I walked through the terminal I was stopped and interrogated. It was hard to take them seriously because they were so darn cute, all smiles and big white teeth. They asked me what I was doing in Italy and how long I was planning to stay. When I mentioned Motorhead their ears perked up and they wanted to know all about the tour and Lemmy. It was funny. I kept thinking “wow, Italian guys really know how to flirt, I could so live here.
I was met at the Milan airport by the cutest sexiest Swedish guy ever, Freddie. And in all honesty, oh, how I forever secretly lusted after Freddie.
When we arrived at the hotel Freddie walked me up to Lemmy’s room and said something like “Here she is delivered as promised”.
Lemmy was thrilled to see me. He had a great room with a balcony that looked out onto the city. We talked and smoothed over the rough times that we had gone through in the past few months. It was so good to be with him.
He gave me a poem that seemed to be telling me the same thing he had been telling me since our beginning, that leaving him would be the worst thing that I could do to myself. I did really love this man. Here I was in Italy; the place of my dreams and it was because of him. We are so comfortable together and he could be everything to me. I still in the back of my mind wondered why Lemmy made choices that he knew would destroy a relationship that he said was so important to him.
Lemmy showed me his latest military acquisitions and we hung out enjoying each other.
The next afternoon Lemmy and I meet Mikkey and Phil in the hotel bar. I love walking into a room with a rock star, the way that everyone stares and points. The tour bus arrived to take us to the venue – Rainbow Club.
And everything is going along just fine we are all hanging out in the venue playing video games and having a great time until I look up and see this chick that is another woman that Lemmy has taken naked photos of on his couch in Los Angeles. Not even one day and I must face his lies. In LA we could never get away from it, but we were in Europe and I was mad, contained and calm, but mad. This poor girl seems shocked to see me and Lemmy is in full motion to try to avoid her.
Lemmy bolts for the dressing room and everyone scatters leaving the poor girl standing alone in the middle of the room. I just sit back and watch the circus all smiles and nice, nice. I follow Lemmy to another backstage room and can feel his tension. He is bracing himself for my full assault, but I remain cool, which only frightens him more. I felt like I was in a scene in the movie, “Almost Famous”. The scene where the wife shows up on tour and Kate Hudson’s character must back off. I really had to contain myself and to remind myself of my place, I was “number one girlfriend”, and he loved me.
I love seeing Motorhead live. The crowds just go crazy, and I feel very proud that Lemmy is my man. And the Italians are so kind and fun to party with.
On the way out of Milan I sit staring out of the window watching the city go by. I find myself in another one of those moments where nothing seems real. I think wow I’m on a tour bus, cruising through Italy with a famous rock and roll band. It all seems like a dream. And then I see right there, along the road a huge billboard – Horses fucking. A black horse fucking a white horse on a billboard. It was an ad for Benetton. I really felt like a puritan American because I was in shock. I wasn’t offended or uncomfortable, I was just shocked. Lemmy just laughed and laughed at my reaction. Remember this was the mid 90’s and I had never seen anything so graphic in public before. Oh, how times have changed.
Pordenone, Italy
I only had one complaint on this trip; sleeping in a bunk on the tour bus. The bunks are so small and coffin-like. The bunk was comfortable, but I am claustrophobic, and I felt like I was struggling for air all night. And the rocking of the bus gave me motion sickness and I felt nauseous. I woke up the next afternoon very late. I must have fallen asleep when the bus pulled into the gig in Pordenone sometime in the night.
Stepping out of the bus that afternoon I find a very chipper Mikkey and the lovely Freddie. Mikkey pointed out the mountains and explained that Bosnia was over there. I was still not feeling so hot, but I nodded and smiled. Freddie could tell that I was still feeling the night before and suggested that I go to the day room and have a shower, which might perk me up a bit. I agreed and went to find Lemmy to tell him I was leaving.
Lemmy laughed when I told him I was going for a shower. He said, “You are such an American, you have to have a shower every day.” I left him to play with his personal slot machine. Yes, he hauls around his own personal full size slot machine to play on. He has it fixed so that when he loses, he just opens up the back, takes out his losses and begins again. I guess it keeps his gambling habit under check.
I go off to the day room (a hotel room that the band reserves for the day to shower and relax in when the tour bus has no accommodations) to shower and get dressed. As soon as I step out of the shower Lemmy arrives. It seems that he is in search of a “sit-down toilet”. All the toilets at the gig are of the squat type and there is nothing more unnatural than squatting to take a shit. Nothing awkward here, Lemmy and I were a normal couple at this point in our relationship. We have overcome the embarrassment of toilet talk (thanks to Foundations Forum).
Lemmy and I are hanging out in the room as I finish my makeup and women activities when there is a knock at the door. It’s the lovely Freddie. He seems very shocked to see Lemmy and says that he is looking for a “sit-down toilet” also. He proceeds to tease poor Freddie about the need to sit down to shit and Freddie seems very uncomfortable with the conversation.
The show that night was fantastic as usual. We were hanging out backstage and a young man from Croatia come in to meet Lemmy. His face was so lit up when he was finally face to face with his idol. My pride in Lemmy was at an all time high at this moment as he was great with this fan who spoke very little English but was trying very hard to express his love of Motorhead and Lemmy.
I could see the same Motorhead show every night and be extremely happy. I loved every minute of being on tour.
Florence, Italy
Florence must be the most romantic, most beautiful city in the world. Lemmy was all giggles over my inability to sleep well in the bunks of the bus and about my motion sickness, that is until he saw that I was too sick to give him a blowjob, then he fell silent.
The large tour bus crawled along the ancient city streets, and we would stop and go as the streets were filled with traffic. I just wanted to get off the bus. Every time we would stop, I would feel a surge of relief and hope that I could finally get my feet onto solid ground. Only to have those hopes dashed, as the bus would begin to roll forward again.
As sick as I felt, I was equally excited to be in Florence. I stared out of the bus window and was in awe of the beauty of the buildings and the people. It was like being in a fairy tale, everything was so old and rich looking. I felt like we were aliens invading the city. The townspeople all stopped and stared at the tour bus as it moved through the city.
When we arrived at the hotel we entered to stares and awe. I immediately felt better when my feet hit the ground. After a shower I really wanted to go out to tour around. Lemmy hadn’t slept all night so I wondered what his mood would turn into. He can be so strange after not sleeping for a long period of time.
We hung out in the hotel room, and I assessed his temperament. I could tell that he was in an ok mood but that he really didn’t want to go out. I said, “Let’s go out for just a quick look around” “ I haven’t really had the opportunity to see much of anything.” He looked at me, pointed to the hotel window and said, “Why can’t you just look out the window?”
I kept working on him and he finally gave in. He told me that if I really wanted to go out that I would have to go downstairs and get maps and information from the concierge. I think he thought that I would be too timid to venture out by myself, but off I went. When I returned with the area info, he said we must wait for someone to call with the time for sound check – he was stalling.
As we waited, I could feel my opportunity slip away and then Mikkey and Phil showed up to save me. They had been out touring around and shopping and knowing Lemmy they knew that he would not want to take me out. They knew how desperately I wanted to see and experience Florence, so they persuade him to go.
It felt so wonderful to be walking along the city streets with Lemmy. We strolled along with Phil and Fred looking in shop windows and at the beautiful buildings. It was the perfect day at first…. Then as at Duxford, England, Lemmy charged off alone. I wanted to share this magnificent city with him. But off he goes. We catch up to him and then he charges off again. He says he hates to travel with a group of people, he wants to see what he wants and then move on and doesn’t want to have to wait on anyone.
It wasn’t long before a few fans spotted us, and they began to follow. The small group began to grow in numbers until finally Freddy went to have a chat with them. He explained that this was the band’s only day off and how they just wanted to enjoy the city. The group seemed to understand and then followed at a greater distance.
As the numbers continued to grow Freddy suggested that we return to the hotel. But Lemmy just charged off and finally disappeared. And then Freddy went back to the hotel.
Playing tourist with Phil Campbell
Phil and I went on our way alone. Phil is a great guy to hang out with. We wandered aimlessly through the streets, took photos, and purchased postcards.
Phil has such an easygoing nature and is very comfortable and fun to be around. We wandered through bronze shops and marble shops and into art galleries. We had a great day and I finally forgot about my disappointment in Lemmy’s disappearing act.
When I got back to the hotel Lemmy was full of apologies and excuses. He had purchased these super cool paper mâché masks. Lemmy posed and took pictures of him. This lightened the mood, and we were back on track.
This was my last night in Florence and Lemmy is distant. When we get to the gig site and are lounging on the bus before the show, Lemmy politely asks me to leave the bus so that he can “Interview” with an old friend. When I am on my way off the bus the two of them are sitting very close in the back lounge and her hands were on his leg. I just suck up my pride and wander into the venue. I am fortunate to meet a cute young security guard and luckily, he seems quite interested in me.
The next hour or so was spent working on my Italian so to speak and then I decide to watch the show with the lighting guys up in the rafters.
My disappearance caused quite a stir. It seems that Lemmy came in and no one knew where I was, and a search was on. When I was found Lemmy decided that I needed to be looked after. He said for my protection. I took this as a challenge and kept wandering off my guard. At one point I decided that I wanted to try a squat toilet and when I came out of the restroom a small crowd had formed to see “Lemmy’s girlfriend”. My poor guard was trying his best and because I was being such a child, he took me backstage and left me there. Lemmy just laughed and shook his head. He knew that I was just drunk and ornery as usual.
We got back to the hotel at almost 4 am. I had to be at the airport at 6 am for my fight back to the states.
My fight out of Florence was cancelled. The airport was pure chaos; no lines just a large room filled with people shouting and pushing. Luckily, I understood enough to find the bus that would take me to Bologna to catch another flight to Paris. I was so tired due to no sleep and having a hangover, but I was excited, I was on an adventure! I had no idea where I was going or how things would turn out, I was just happy that it was happening to me.
Bologna, Italy
The bus trip was unbelievable. The Italian countryside is so incredibly green and lush. I felt very fortunate to have this opportunity. I finally got to visit the city of my dreams and I am very grateful that I got to go, and I do love seeing Motorhead live.
When I arrived in Paris, I was so pleased to find that I had missed my connection to New York. I now had a couple days to see Paris. If you are going to be stranded somewhere, Pairs is the place to do it. I was so tired, and I looked like hell, but I had to see Paris. I could always sleep later, who knew if I would ever have this opportunity again.
My brief time in Paris was spent wandering, shopping, eating, and trying to see everything. The French people were great to me as I struggled to speak all the while butchering their beautiful language. I felt brave and adventurous as I toured Paris on my own. There was a time in my life when I never would have ventured out. I would have stayed in fear, too afraid of the unknown or of what might happen. Being with Lemmy had empowered me somehow.
Motorhead returned to the States at the end of March.